septembre 13, 2001

nyc is completely different.
we decided to come back to the city, away from tour, to see our friends, pray with everyone, and try to gain a little perspective on the situation.

this morning i took the train into the city. as the train came from underground, over the manhattan bridge, the view was spectacular as always, maybe even more so, in a very twisted way. smoke rose from what used to be. something amazing happened as the car i was in saw daylight. everyone got up out of their seat, moved to the lefthand side of the car, and just stared in silence. i wiped the tears out of my eyes only to see the tears in others. looking. staring at what we thought would always be. now the world trade center is gone. the twin towers only exist as memories. i remember going to the top with my father and step-mother. you felt as if you could see forever from up there. but now... gone.
once the train went back underground, everyone sat back down, back into their own worlds... or so i thought. just as i begin to write in my palm pilot, the guy across from me said, looking directly at me, "i still cannot believe it." then, the entire car erupted in conversation. strangers having some of the most meaningful, even intimate?, conversations of their lives. i talked to this man in front of me for about 20 minutes. i even missed my stop, which didn't really matter. my talk with a fellow new-yorker was more important than anything else at the time. when i finally got back to where i was going (8th street on the nr line) i climbed up the stairs to a ghost town. broadway, normally lined with cars double-parked on both sides, was completely empty. no cars at all, except for the occasional emergency vehicle passing every couple of minutes. the few people who were walking down the sidewalk wore surgical masks. a cloud of dust filled the air. my heart ached for everyone. a man approached me, who obviously substitued crying for sleeping the past couple of days, handed me a flyer he printed on his home computer with a picture of his wife, a description of her, and where she was last to be known. he asked me call if i saw her. i burst into tears. i had no idea what to say. i pray that God gave me the right words to say, because i honestly don't know what came out of my mouth.
i went to houston's, the restaurant where i work when i'm not making noise, to see my friends and make sure that extended family is alive and relatively well. they are. while i was there, former president bill clinton was walking down park ave. so i ran out to get his picture, and ended up getting to shake his hand. i don't really have an opinion of the man, because i don't follow politics, but there was a sense of comfort to know that such a man cared enough to be with the people who were hurting.
after that, i decided to come home. i have had quite the emotional day.